Oh, thank heavens. I think we've just had an extraordinarily "postmodern" encounter, and have ably demonstrated the potential pitfalls of language, reading and interpretation. Hahaha - I love the bit about "dumb" meaning "speechless" - that's what you get for using a word in its most correct way, not as it is used in popular parlance. And trust me to read it the popular way!

You really are the last person on earth I would ever want to offend.

As for whatever that rumour you've heard at work - ZMOG WTF???
Maybe the comment about it being a good thing you're not in the classroom has to do with your back, and nothing at all about your teaching?