My cat was hit by a car almost 12 years ago (she was an indoor cat who forced open a screen to have a grand adventure), and though the grief is more muted, it is always present. When I'm inclined to tell myself that I'm being unreasonable about it, my instincts flare up - underneath my social conditioning about appropriate grieving timetables, etc lies a passionate belief that grief is not a bad thing. We grieve because there is this great big gaping hole in our lives and our hearts, and it is there because the lost one, of whatever species, was special, was dearly loved. And somehow it feels *right* that we should feel the absence so strongly.
(to reassure anyone who might get the wrong impression from the above: I lead a normal life with a husband and six children and lots of friends and interests - I don't sit around crying (though I did for the first few weeks after she died), there is just a sore spot in my heart, a feeling that someone is missing from my life. It is similar to the way I've felt my grandmother's absence since she died. For Morgana, when me moved I thought about how she'd have liked this house, when I'm lying in bed I still miss feeling her curl up against my legs, and so on. For Grammy, I hear her voice (no not her actual voice, just a memory), I think of the nachas she'd get from various stages of my kids' lives, of how sad she'd be that I'm not taking as many photographs as I used to, etc)
What a long, self-centered way to say that I'm thinking of you and... I guess I also wanted to say that big gaping hole is a measure of his importance in your life, of how very much you loved him... and every grief has its own timetable, you seem to be letting it be what it is, and I hope you're able to keep on doing so.
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(to reassure anyone who might get the wrong impression from the above: I lead a normal life with a husband and six children and lots of friends and interests - I don't sit around crying (though I did for the first few weeks after she died), there is just a sore spot in my heart, a feeling that someone is missing from my life. It is similar to the way I've felt my grandmother's absence since she died. For Morgana, when me moved I thought about how she'd have liked this house, when I'm lying in bed I still miss feeling her curl up against my legs, and so on. For Grammy, I hear her voice (no not her actual voice, just a memory), I think of the nachas she'd get from various stages of my kids' lives, of how sad she'd be that I'm not taking as many photographs as I used to, etc)
What a long, self-centered way to say that I'm thinking of you and... I guess I also wanted to say that big gaping hole is a measure of his importance in your life, of how very much you loved him... and every grief has its own timetable, you seem to be letting it be what it is, and I hope you're able to keep on doing so.
Take care of yourself,
Eliana