intertext

And what a year!

Since I last posted, I have a) retired b) submitted my PhD thesis c) attended and presented a paper at the DWJ conference in Bristol d) successfully defended my PhD thesis e) become Dr. Intertext.

And now I'm honestly trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life! I don't regret retiring at all. I have some chronic health issues that were making it difficult to work more than part-time, and honestly if all I'm going to have is a part-time income I'd just as soon have it by drawing a pension and not working.

So I have the proverbial 500 pounds a year and a room of my own. What now to do with it? I'm not anxious or depressed about this; it's a privilege really to have the time and leisure to stop and think and let my heart decide for me.

I know I'd like to continue with scholarship and remain in a scholarly community. I think I'm fortunate in that my personal professional network does not depend on, in fact does not really include, anyone from my previous place of employment, but that I do in fact have quite a wide-ranging professional network, mostly in the UK, already in place. Interestingly, this originated in the old LiveJournal (which I still miss). And there's a really strong children's lit/fantasy lit academic group on Twitter. I want to try to be more active in that way, but again I'm trying to think of the best way to go about it.

I have some notions of turning my thesis into a book, or articles, or both. And I have some ideas for other things to do. I suspect much will depend on just sitting down and doing it, though I don't really know how one goes about getting academic books published. I'm sure I can find out.

And then there's a part of me that, like Ged at the end of The Farthest Shore is just "done with doing" and wants to spend quality time in my garden with my dog. That will happen, too, I'm sure.

Chapter 8 is at 8k and counting. This is the big one: Fire and Hemlock, Hexwood, The Homeward Bounders. Talking about the way DWJ shows the pain and sacrifice a hero must undergo.

It says a lot that three years in I'm still finding new things in this author.

There is a new (ish) moon out there, looking like a lopsided grin in the sky. When I see such a moon, I am reminded of "The moon is on its back tonight, as is its custom in the tropics," which is a line from a novel by Vita Sackville West. I know this because once upon a long time ago, I taught an excerpt from that novel in China, in the textbook that we were using. It seemed then like such an odd choice. And now, I reflect that what a wonderful life I've had that I taught Vita Sackville West in China, and that I know who she is in other contexts, and that I am reminded of her now as I look at the moon.

My dissertation thesis (I keep forgetting the proper UK-style name for this document) has a current working title of Hidden Turnings, which is a perfectly appropriate name given the thing - intertextuality - that I'm writing about. For a while, though, I have been thinking of changing it to Fish in Dark Water. A discovery I made today is making that even more likely.

I got the idea from a line in one of the pieces collected in Reflections on the Magic of Writing. She is talking about Fire and Hemlock, and writes that when she settled on the Tam Lin story as the main background, “about ninety other myths and folktales proceeded to manifest, in and out all the time, like fish in dark water.” I thought this was a lovely image, and it is. I also imagined goldfish in a pond.

Today I'm working on the intertextual references in Fire and Hemlock over and above the Tam Lin story, and I had just written something about the thirty-one named works that turn up, many of them books that Tom sends Polly to either help her to train as a hero or to give her clues about his situation. I was going over the list, coming up with links and connections, and got to Henrietta's House, by Elizabeth Goudge, which was Polly's favourite of the first bunch of books Tom sends her for Christmas. I love Elizabeth Goudge; The Little White Horse is one of my favourite books in the world, and I also love Linnets and Valerians, but I'm not familiar with Henrietta's House (to my shame, and now I think I should definitely read it). So I did a bit of web searching and came across a page devoted to Goudge's writing that discusses it. And look at this. The main characters apparently find some caves. In the caves is a pool.
” Look! cried Hugh Anthony excitedly, kneeling beside the still, inky pool, “There are white fishes here. Quite white. Like Ghosts.”
The Dean put his oil lamp on the ground and knelt beside him and together they watched fascinated as the strange white shapes swam round and round in the black water, their ghostly bodies rippling back and forth as though they were weaving some never-ending pattern upon the black loom of the water.”

It gave me shivers. Doesn't it you?

PS: I've just discovered that, thanks to my mother's Puffin collection, I actually own a copy of Henrietta's House So now I have absolutely no excuse and must read it.

PPS: I've also just realized that my last entry ended on an awful cliff-hanger, and am delighted to be able to report that Simon-the-cat came home two days after I returned from Toronto. I suspect he was loitering in the garden waiting to be sure it was me before he came to the door.

I have a private custom, that I usually try to go on some kind of excursion on Canada Day. It's nearly always brilliantly fine, and there's something nice about going out to appreciate the bluest of blue skies and seas and the bright yellows and greens of the grasses. This year, I didn't feel particularly energetic, so I bundled Baggins in the back of the car and went to visit an old haunt: what we in my family called "Mad Jim's Beach" (don't ask), but which is now called Glencoe Cove Kwatsech Park.

( Pictures under the cut )

Readers, it has been five years since I last posted.

I've been circling around the idea of starting up again, but it always felt a bit self-conscious and awkward. But then I was talking to a friend and colleague who also maintains a journal here (we were discussing the whole LJ TOS kerfuffle), and he was encouraging in a very nice way, so I logged in and poked around. And it was still about a week later that I plucked up the courage to start this. But here we are.

I've missed it. Several times I have sat for hours rereading all my LJ posts, laughing and crying and wishing I was still doing it. I think one reason I have not is that for a long time I associated blogging with a particular friend from whom I have become estranged, and that estrangement was extremely painful at the time and still hurts, though at least we have reached a bit of a reconciliation to the point where we can at least speak to one another again.

It helps, I think, to be starting again in Dreamwidth. Partly because of the kerfuffle, I am no longer cross-posting to LJ. Not because I fear the scrutiny of the KGB or whoever wants to read the extremely unexciting ramblings of a mild-mannered, geeky woman now of more than a certain age. More because it feels like a true tabula rasa, a new start in a new journal, but with access to my old life and whoever of my old flist is still around.

Many of you are my friends on FB, or in RL, so will know about my doings, but maybe in part for my own sense of bridge-building between past and present, here's a brief recap.

What is the same: I'm still pretty much the same person, though I do feel a bit more reserved and cautious even than before. My second-to-last post in LJ was, regrettably, announcing the death of my beloved bearded collie Robinson. Well, I have another one. Same breed. Name of Baggins. He will likely feature largely in these pages. I have the same two cats. I'm still working at the same community college, though I'm now no longer a union boss. I think that experience may have been another thing that put me off writing here; it was very much a mixed blessing. Good work, but difficult inter-personal relationships. I'm still living alone and unattached romantically and really don't see that ever changing.

What is different: the biggest thing is that I sold my old house, the one I lived in through all that difficult time with my mother, and have bought my own. It's in a lovely neighbourhood in one of the nicest parts of town and for Victoria it's fairly old (1912). I love it. Because of Baggins, and because it is green, with a bright red door (which makes sense in my own brain anyway), I call it "Bag End" when I think about it to myself. Let's forget any possible associations with "old bags" please.

The other biggest thing, a very big thing, is that I am working on a PhD, writing about intertextuality in the works of Diana Wynne Jones. I am very happy about this, and the work is going as well as can be expected, and I'm enjoying it. I am enrolled via distance at Cardiff University, which feels very posh. It's another new start, but also a chance to take back one of the big things I lost in the years I was looking after my mother. I doubt many realized that when I first started my LJ I was enrolled in a PhD program at UVic. I think I might like to use this now for some PhD thinking-out-loud, so let me know if you'd like to be included in a filter.

I went to Greece in 2014, which was good, but I didn't enjoy it as much as I had hoped, and it wasn't life changing.

I had another hip replacement last year, and am still not quite as mobile as I would like, but it's getting there. Baggins keeps me walking and my garden keeps me determined to stay fit. My new house has a most delightful garden, almost like a secret garden at the back and with many flowering trees and a Japanese Maple and all sorts.

I am, in most respects, very happy. So that's all right.

Robinson's death has hit me hard. Also, the general feeling of doglessness. I haven't been without a dog, except for when on holiday, for eighteen years. And only for brief periods in my whole life. And maybe I'm at the best of times a bit lonely, and a dog is a comforting Presence in one's life, even when it is old and infirm and sleeping most of the time.

So I did something a bit foolish. Yesterday, I went on the SPCA website, and there was a 4-month old pointer-terrier cross puppy who looked out at me and I kind of fell in love with. I stomped around yesterday and thought "no, it's too soon..." but this morning I thought, "ok, if it's still there..." and went down to see her. There was a couple ahead of me, but they decided against her. So I filled in my application. And the SPCA turned me down. For all the right reasons. This puppy has already had three homes and is already showing signs of separation anxiety. They want someone for her who ideally has another dog, and maybe in a family where someone will be home a lot. Also they were worried about my two cats, because this dog isn't proven to get along with cats. You know, and I know, that she probably would have been fine, and probably would have been a great fit. But they didn't know that, and I don't blame them. And as I told them, it's probably too soon anyway. But of course when I told them that I'd just lost another dog, I started crying. So I felt embarrassed for myself on top of everything else.

And now I feel even more bereft than I did before, because I'd realized how badly I want this hole in my heart to be filled, and how empty I feel now.

I sent my dear boy to his rest this afternoon. He was a great age, almost 15, and I'd known this was coming, but I'm still pretty shattered.

I return, triumphant, from a very successful shopping trip. To whit:

2 pairs of cord pants
1 velvety/cord jacket
3 (count them) THREE! cashmere sweaters (one turtle, one v-neck and one hoodie)
1 wool blend v-neck sweater
1 cotton cable knit turtle-neck sweater
1 v-neck t-shirt
3 pairs of tights

YAY! I badly needed some new clothes, and it was great to get them at greatly reduced prices.

And they're not all black, which makes a change. Only some of them :)

So the double booking was solved by giving me an online section of one course instead of the physical one at the impossible time. I have an online version of this course already built, but will need to create new material for a new unit (on Watchmen) that I've been planning to incorporate this year in the face-to-face version, and will need to revise quite a few pages. Oh well. I still have five days per week, and an evening class, but at least the back-to-back and three classes in one day and conflict have been removed.