Winter Thoughts

[intertext]

Walking to work this morning, and noticing the autumn leaves, thinking that one serious winter gale and they'll all be gone...

Worrying about friends. One I feel is drifting away, stretched almost to the limit. All I can do is keep making rather footling offers of help, of rides in the car... stupid, useless, politely refused. But what else can I do? I have nothing else to give except care and thoughts, but this friend is intensely private, self-sufficient.

Then, there are my old friends, who are now facing the death of a son. Unimaginable.

Marking. Dear student: if you think that uploading a file with the name "send that shit" is in any way appropriate, I have news for you. No love, ... me.

Taking the dogs for a walk this afternoon in almost-darkness. Realizing that winter is really almost here




nablopomo #2

Comments

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Oh I am so sorry for your friends--so very sorry.

[intertext.livejournal.com]

thank you.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

All you can do for the first friend is go on being there and not take it personally; IMX, people like that (like me) do come back when they've dealt with the pain in private. It can take years.

As for your newly bereft friends. I am so sorry. Just be aware that the pain does not go away nearly as rapidly as the condolences do. Being supportive of them in six weeks or six months will be greatly appreciated.

[intertext.livejournal.com]

Thanks - that's wise. I think my own instinct is always to try to "fix" things or help if I can, and I suspect in this case I can't, but it doesn't stop me from trying. I just don't want that friend to think I'm being pushy or interfering.

Those friends whose son is dying were among the most supportive of me when my mother was dying and after her death. I think for them, actually, just being there representing a time when life was normal is important. We walk our dogs together regularly and I hope they'll be able to keep doing that.

[superfoo.livejournal.com]

That is awful - you are a great friend and your presence and sympathy and not backing out on painful times is steadfast and, well every adjective that I can think of right now that means "good" or "amazing" sounds silly in this context, but hopefully you get what I am trying to say. We love you and appreciate you tons (I know this for a fact and can try to measure it empirically if you'd like).

[intertext.livejournal.com]

thanks - you're lovely to say that. But really, I don't want this to be about me (though I guess it is in a way). It's about worrying and feeling helpless and like I'm doing and saying all the wrong things, but wanting the person I'm worrying about to know that I'm there. Not in an "I'm worried about you, so you're obligated to let me know how you're doing" way, just ... knowing.

Communication Fail?

[superfoo.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to make it sound as if I was placating some kind of selfishness at all, or to imply that it was about you, or to sound preachy or something! It not being about you is what I am complimenting ... feeling helpless is really awful, and I know what you mean about "knowing." I meant to communicate understanding your worry and concern, but the words didn't quite match up to what I meant, I think.

Re: Communication Fail?

[intertext.livejournal.com]

oh, no - no communication fail. I didn't want to give the impression that I was eliciting sympathy, just that I was feeling helpless in the face of a friend's difficulties and inadequate in how I was expressing it.

I think we were talking about the same thing, probably ;-)

Re: Communication Fail?

[superfoo.livejournal.com]

Hahah I think we were, too.

[lidocafe.livejournal.com]

Lunch tomorrow?

[intertext.livejournal.com]

That would be lovely.

[lidocafe.livejournal.com]

I have a meeting until 11:30/12. What's your schedule?

[intertext.livejournal.com]

I have office hours until 11:30, but am free after that - so whenever you are free is fine.

[lady-schrapnell.livejournal.com]

God, that's a tough situation - so hard to want to help and not see a way to do it. Can't even imagine the pain of the couple losing their son.

[lidocafe.livejournal.com]

God that is one gorgeous icon.

[intertext.livejournal.com]

Isn't it? I was going to say... :-)

[lady-schrapnell.livejournal.com]

Thank you both! Though I had nothing to do with it except leaping upon it joyfully - from semyaza, of course. The artist is Kathleen Lolley (http://www.lolleyland.com/newnewtry.html). And another one...